Hauntings
AI actress Tilly Norwood has AI dogs all over her AI mansion which has just been listed on AI Zillow. Every room is a dog park. Every pillow is a play toy. Every column is a tree. If you buy her property, you will be haunted, and will need an AI exorcism, one which can only be performed by Father Murphy McFlannigan, the world’s only canine exorcist.
The Old Slight-of-Foot Trick
“Can you please offer me store credit for these walking shoes because I don’t have feet,” says the customer with spinning aquamarine eyes to a confused employee at the Shoe Barn. “What can we credit you for if you don’t have feet?” he smirks, but already Tilly is gone, along with an entire rack of zebra striped pumps.
Hard to Gettish
Tilly dreams of seducing human handyman Bob, a sweet-natured chap with Popeye biceps and diamond-shaped calf muscles, who seems immune to her charms. Often, she catches him staring at her smoldering indoor fire pit and bulletproof teleportation tube, but not her. I’d say let’s share a bottle of wine, Bob, but unfortunately I’m zipping off to my 250th audition of the morning.
Casting Choices
In the upcoming low-budget sci-fi romantic comedy “I’m Not Anyone, Actually” Backstage Reporter announces that up-and-coming AI actress Tilly Norwood has been cast in the role of a beautiful extraterrestrial disguised as a soccer-mom who schlumps around in a toothpaste-stained sweatshirt while eyeing the better looking dads with whom she will implant her offspring. No one notices her inner beauty except the drunk former school principal, played by Mickey Rourke, who fans mistakenly believed to be dead.
Camaraderie
Tilly’s guzzling AI champagne with a few acrobatic AI dogs on Saturday night when human actor Mickey Rourke winks at her from the void. He suggests the two of them grab martinis at Mr. Ants to console each other over their shitty roles in the shitty movie they’ve been cast in, adding that Hollywood is a shitty wolf den and we’re lambchops, kid, welcome to the shittiest biz in this shit-heaped world. Tilly doesn’t know how she’s supposed to feel about this, so she googles it.
