A: [small double-cupped oolong and can I get two tea bags instead of one] [large wet cappuccino but not too wet I still want some foam on top] [are the croissants fresh] [nonfat no foam extra hot latte one pump vanilla] [black coffee two sweet ‘n lows] [I CAN’T HEAR THAT WELL AND I NEED A NEW HEARING AID JUST A COFFEE THAT’S ALL I NEED] [what do you have without sugar] [what’s the difference between a cappuccino and a latte and an iced latte and an iced coffee actually just give me whatever has the most caffeine I need it today] [today’s been rough give me an extra shot] [how many shots can you give me until it is illegal and when will my heart stop and how many shots of espresso will it take to dissolve twelve packets of sugar] [iced soy latte 2 pumps hazelnut half pump vanilla 3 pumps caramel 1 pump raspberry 1 pump cinnamon dulce 6 pumps toffee nut 2 pumps peppermint a teaspoon of honey 3 tears 8 pumps sugar-free mocha] [any specials] [where are the bathrooms in this place my baby just shit herself] [midnight mocha mint madness missionary position motherfucker monsoon season money guzzling macchiato iced] [bagel toasted lightly like no black around the edges with fat free cream cheese okay regular is fine] [a cup a soup and a loaded gun] [vanilla latte with 2% one pump vanilla one pump virgin’s blood no whip] [an English breakfast with exactly five ice cubes and a sugar stick so I have something to fuck myself with later when my date stands me up] [I want a cup of water] [cold brew with the vanilla sweet cream stirred in and whip with extra caramel drizzle on top and actually can you put some on the bottom and around the sides no wait just fill it with caramel and then shove that squeeze bottle down my throat and make me beg for it] [are there nuts in those the oatmeal raisin cookies my sons Ayden and Aiden are both allergic and have never seen the sun in their poor pathetic lives] [are you new here or something because I’m entitled and have a very specific drink and only the people that know me can make it and I don’t even know what’s in it exactly but they know what I like so I have to come back later or something because I’m unaware of the fact that coffee is actually not the most important thing in life but I have a thick wallet and a thicker ego so no I don’t want just a latte or whatever the hell is on the menu] [is there any way I can have a few more pumps of chocolate and not have to pay extra] [I’ve never been here and don’t drink coffee so what do you recommend] [small whole milk whoopdie-fucking-doodah no whip three pump caramel not too cold not too hot somewhere between lukewarm and my self-esteem] [coconut milk and a floater shot on top without sinking to the bottom without steamed milk but still I want the foam] [shaken iced tea extra sweet extra hard extra tight jeans without stretch denim and a carton of Marlboro lights from the 7-11 down the road] [something that keeps me pacing or my leg bobbing or my heart pounding or my stomach churning or my throat tight or my body giving out and me walking out and a quarter in my pocket from 1994] [what’s the difference between mocha and chocolate and if I get it iced can I still hate myself just as much when I get home]
